Choosing Where to Land: The Reality Shift

Part 3 of a 3-part series on choosing where to live abroad as a family

What We’re Most Excited About

The thought of living abroad with kids has excited us for years. Initially, the draw was a closer proximity to travel around Europe – instead of trans-Atlantic flights, we’d be a short flight or train ride away from a wide variety of countries to explore.

Over time, the appeals of living abroad have evolved for us. What was once a simple desire to see the world became an inspired urge to slow down. From Spain to Guatemala to Switzerland, one thing was true. There was not one *right* way to live. We witnessed children confidently walking to school by themselves in big cities. We saw tables full of laughing families eating dinner together at 10pm on a school night (kids included!). We experienced the freedom public transportation can give. We envisioned our family living that slower life, where instead of rushing from one thing to the next we were able to enjoy eating a meal together, spending more time in our community with other families (not just in passing), all that with the extra space to be able to take in the beauties of every day life – nature, food, art, and rest.

What Makes Us Nervous

All that excitement aside, there are a lot of things we are unsure about when it comes to living abroad with kids. At the top of my mind these days is the logistics and the bureaucracy. We have heard many stories about the necessary patience for what we will be experiencing in Spain with all that needs to be done upon our arrival. We aren’t there yet and already I’m overwhelmed. I’ve got spreadsheets and folders and a husband that doesn’t mind making phone calls – all things that will help along the way.

The language is an obvious concern that comes with living abroad with children. We have been learning and practicing Spanish over the course of this trip (some months more than others), but it’s not something that compares to actually living in a place where English is not the first language. We will be many steps behind the locals in reading signs, following directions, and in knowing what to expect. What I think about a lot is communicating over the phone. I already have phone anxiety as it is, but soon I’ll be needing to make calls with a Spanish speaker on the other end of the line. The lack of facial expressions will be a big barrier in my communication success over the phone. I’m hoping that most of the things that need to be done can be done online and through email, but there will most definitely be times I’ll need to be brave and dial.

The three youngest children will be attending the same school, so that should help in the transition from home/worldschooling to being back in a classroom – a foreign classroom. Of course there will be growing pains as they make new friends and settle into their new routines. Just like outside of school, time seems to slow down within school walls in Spain. Children have an hour to eat their lunch (usually 3 courses), along with multiple breaks throughout the day. They will need to get used to starting later (9am) and ending later (4 or 5pm).

What else are we nervous about? The raw, honest truth is that we are nervous about if we are making the right decision. As with any major life change, there is an underlying fear that it will be a big mess. That things won’t be what we expected (I’m pretty sure we can count on that) and that everyone will be miserable. We are having daily conversations about this acknowledging that while it definitely makes us nervous, it’s also very exciting. We’ve thought about past big life moves and how we had these same feelings while making those decisions. We’ve talked about how we might feel if we don’t take this opportunity and how that might feel – the always wondering part – the regret of taking a big risk that “could have been”. So yes, it’s big and scary and might suck, but probably most likely will be amazing and fun and the best decision we’ve made for our family. And we are excited to see how it unfolds.

What We Think Daily Life Will Look Like

So what will all of this look like? We envision getting up a little later on school days than we are used to. Eating a nice breakfast before they head to school – either by foot, bike or on the tram or bus. Edward will likely take the bus or we will have to drive him to his school because most of the schools we are looking at for him are a bit outside of the city limits.

I’ll have some time while the kids are at school to work on building my community – ideally from attending some regular events like yoga/pilates, book clubs, or art classes. Of course, working on my Spanish will be a priority so connecting with someone to practice with or taking local classes will be high on the list.

After school, we have heard many families meet in the parks for a cafe con leche and a visit, while some kids are off to do their sports or extracurricular activities. I love how one of the teachers explained to our kids that “when you end school at 4pm there is still a lot of the day left for you to do your activities and spend time with your family” – this is because Spanish families traditionally eat dinner around 10pm. While we have been unintentionally adjusting towards this later schedule over the course of this past year, it will be a big adjustment to make a part of our everyday lives.

The weekends we will be attending some of the many festivals that Spain is known for. We have learned from our travels that the people of Spain LOVE to party. We are looking forward to experiencing this part of the culture and to learn about all of the reasons they have to celebrate. One holiday we learned about recently is St. George’s Day that’s celebrated in both the Catalonia & Aragon (where we will be) regions of Spain – it’s similiar to Valentine’s Day, where roses and books are exchanged. How cool is that? Some weekends we will spend checking out the pueblos outside of Zaragoza where all have their own specialties – culinary, art, and more – that we are eager to experience. In the winters, the snow-covered Pyrenees are calling our names – we cannot wait to put on our skis and take in the mountains of Europe!

The summers in Spain are very hot, so we will be spending time at the pools, the beach, or in the mountains as much as possible. Of course we will be visiting family and friends in the states whenever we can, as taking the kids out of school to go on trips is not as acceptable as it is where we come from. This is going to be hard to adjust to after enjoying so much freedom this past year.

Of course, moving somewhere new means the opportunity for visitors! We are thrilled to hear of the many friends and family that are already making us part of their travel plans. Hosting in our new city will be so much fun – we will love sharing our favorite places to shop, eat, hike and play!

What We Hope This Season Gives Our Kids

Living in a foreign country with kids leaves a huge amount of growth ahead of us. We look forward to the stability that settling into our new home will bring while continuing to build our confidence and bravery as we adapt to all the unique things Spain has waiting for us.

What We’re Letting Go Of

Excitement aside, we have to recognize what we are letting go of as we decide to transition from a worldschooling family to an immigrant family. Letting go doesn’t always mean losing. We are at the point where we are happily letting go of the constant novelty of a nomadic life. What was once exciting and energizing has become tiring and frustrating, so the time has come to let go of that. Unfortunately, with that comes losing the flexibility we’ve relished during our adventures in travel. Being able to sleep in, adjust travel plans, add or subtract destinations, and school from “the road” are not going to be possible while settling into our new home. The schools in Spain aren’t as flexible with allowing students to miss school to travel or for family time and that will be a huge struggle for us to adapt to.

So Here We Go

We’re trading one kind of unknown for another, and choosing it on purpose. Have you made a big move you were nervous about? What helped you get through that stage of your life and how did it turn out?

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